Okay, I know there are a lot of Romney/Ryan supporters out there is the blogosphere of Newsvines, and I know some of them (maybe most) don't have much of a sense of humor when it comes to jokes poking fun at their candidates. But! The election is now just 2 months away, so these jokes have a very limited shelf life. After President Obama is re-elected no one is going to be interested in this stuff, so I really need to post them now. All I have to say is: if you don't like some of this is...
Some come here to read and think.
Others come to schMITT and stink.
I come here to post my stuff.
If you don't like it, THAT's JUST TOUGH!
I'm expecting to take some heat from some sectors of the vines, but I do hope, I really do hope there are some folks out there who get a kick out of some of this stuff. I enjoyed coming up with it, I hope you enjoy getting down with it.
So here goes...
"Say the secret woyd and win a hundred dollas."
and the Secret Word for today is …. ROMBALONEY!
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You remember that before the conventions Romney made a European jaunt to fluff-up his Foreign Affairs street cred, right.
He first went to England during The London Olympics, whereupon the British Press announced in large bold print...
- MITT the TWIT
- Doesn't know ____!
I wrote a song about that event called Mittigan's Smile, and it's posted in another article in my column, so I won't rerun it here.
By the way Mitt's wife Ann had a Dressage Horse named Rafalca in Olympic competition. In case you were wondering, their horse came in 30th place in the Olympics, just slightly out of medal contention. So, I guess they just strapped poor old Rafalca to the roof of their yacht or private plane or whatever, and took him home in disgrace.
After that sterling performance in England, Mitt's not Rafalca's, Mitt went on to Israel, which inspired me to write these two jokes.
Romney Jew Joke #1
The Romney's decided to throw a big dinner party at the U.S. Embassy in Tel Aviv Israel, and invited Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu and key members of the Kinnesset.
The main course at the Romney dinner was baked ham with glazed sweet potatoes.
Netanyahu regretfully shook his head when the platter was passed to him.
"When," scolded Mitt Romney playfully, "are you going to forget that silly rule of yours and eat ham like the rest of us?
Without skipping a beat, Netanyahu replied "At your presidential inauguration, Mitt."
Romney Jew Joke #2
At the same dinner party ...
Mitt Romney started to tell a joke: "Two old jews were on their way..."
Suddenly he was interrupted by Benjamin Netanyahu.
"Why do so many jokes begin with Jews?"
"Oh, I'm sorry," apologized Romney, "I'll start again.
Two old Chinese men were on their way to the Synagogue to see the Rabbi..."
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Then Mitt went on to the third leg of his European trip, to Poland. But this time he had a specific purpose for going there rather than any place else, as he explained to the Polish People in this speech ...
Hello. My name is Mitt Romney, and I am running for President of the United States of America.
Well, I guess you are all wondering why I have come here to Poland?
The reason is, I have come here to Poland to find out first hand,
why all the Polls seem to indicate I am going to lose!
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Okay, so I'm no David Letterman or Jay Leno.
What do you want for FREE! Craig Ferguson?
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But hey!
What the Republicans really have here, with the Romney/Ryan ticket, is simply a bad case of
Electile Dysfunction.
They just won't be able to get their POLL numbers UP by election day.
. . .
So that being the case, then one must wonder why the Koch Brothers made such a big deal about negotiating this CHANGE to the GOP in return for all the money they've given to Mitt Romney's campaign? ("Koch?" Is that with a Hard "K" sound?)
It has been reported that at the Koch Brothers insistence, after the election they are going to have the Republican Party emblem changed from an Elephant to a condom because,
A condom:
- more clearly reflects the party's political stance.
- stands up to inflation,
- halts production,
- destroys the next generation,
- protects a bunch of pricks,
- and gives GOP victims a false sense of security while they're actually being screwed.
p.s. And besides that, The Condom is the only GOP Pro-Life Approved birth control device.
. . .
Which brings us to the Romney/Ryan Health Care Plan
Get sick.
Can't pay.
You die.
Goodbye!
Voucher Boy and Vulture Man
Will take away YOUR Medicare Plan!
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Since we're discussing health care, do you remember this news item from ten years ago?
Pretzel Chokes, Fells President Bush
By STEPHEN M. SILVERMAN. 01/14/2002
President George W. Bush set off a White House scare on Sunday when he fell off a sofa after passing out briefly from having choked on a pretzel while watching a National Football League playoff game on TV, White House physician Dr. Richard Tubb told the Associated Press.
Now, think about this:
Dick Cheney could have been President of the United States in January 2002!
Scary thought, eh?
Now, think about THIS!
Mitt Romney wants to be President of the United States, and Paul Ryan Vice President.
SEND PRETZELS TO ROMNEY / RYAN TODAY!
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But seriously folks. I don't even know why Mitt Romney is being allowed to run for President anyway. Has anyone seen his Birth Certificate. Do we know for sure that Mitt Romney was BORN IN THE USA?
Personally I will state here and now that: I do NOT believe Mitt Romney was born in America.
I believe Mitt Romney was born in Manchuria, China and I DEMAND to see his real LONG FORM Birth Certificate to prove otherwise.
Why else would so many deluded (conservative) people keep saying the same thing over and over? This is what they all say:
"Mitt Romney is the kindest, bravest, warmest, most wonderful human being I've ever known in my life."
Get Donald Trump and Joe Arpaio on that stat! The Goofy Old Poop Squad in action again!!!
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But the campaign is on, and there are still some people out there who actually believe Romney could win. They say things like
Romney is picking up the Independent votes and Undecided votes.
Swing states are tipping his way.
No he's not.
No they aren't!
The only thing Romney is picking, is his nose.
The Goober Song (another Romney Campaign Theme)
Everyone's Doin' It
Doin' It
Doin' It
Pickin' their Nose and
Chewin' It
Chewin' It!
And remember this my friends:
YOU can pick your friends,
and YOU can pick your nose,
but YOU can't pick your friend's nose!
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Well, that's all I have for now. I hope at least some of it made you giggle or laugh. It's all in good fun folks, so if you got this far and you're a bit angry, just remember what our good old Big Toe buddy Sgt Hulka used to say in Stripes:
Lighten-Up, Francis!
Take care all!
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I hope you found this informative,
entertaining or hopefully both.
If you'd like to see more of my articles,
songs, poems and stuff
click on either of these links below,
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